To my Dogs.......

Dear Dogs
 
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
 
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest!

The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
 
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
 
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees!
 
For the last time, there is NOT a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.
 
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

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Me, My House and My Dogs. Author: Unknown

My dogs and I live in this house. You are welcome to come and visit me anytime but we have a few things that you must understand before you visit:

You must expect a few dog hairs to stick to your clothes. I vacuum and clean most days but my Dogs live in this house too.

You may be licked and given a paw a few times but they do this because they love people and want to say hello, so if you feel that you are too good for their love then you are not welcome here because this is their home too. My dogs are well mannered and very clean but if you are one of those people who think all animals are dirty and smell, then go away. You are not the type of person that I care to associate with.

If you don't like the sound of barking, then my home is not going to be a comfortable place for you to visit. My dogs protect me by letting me know I have a visitor whether it be a friend or uninvited stranger. If you are a friend, my dogs will consider you their friend too but if you are an unwelcome guest, my dogs will protect me with their life as I would theirs.

Do not expect me to lock my dogs in another room during your visit. I have trained my dogs well so they will not do anything to you except maybe want a pat on the head. I will not subject them to feel as if they are being punished by locking them away for no reason. That would not be fair. 

When you walk in my home, be careful not to trip on a squeaky toy or a bone. These are my dogs little treasures and I will not take them away from them just to show you that I keep a clean house. They know where all their toys are. They may not look like much to you, but to them, they are worth more than gold.

You see, This is OUR home.

We have been together since they were small puppies scampering around the house, tiny creatures only a few weeks old. I raised them into well mannered, beautifully behaved Dogs I am proud of them. I consider them my personal gifts from God. They have done nothing but give me their endless love and devotion for many years. I love them dearly and want to make their years happy ones. As happy as they make mine.

When you go home to your family, they stay here with me. Fine and loving companions. They are MY family and I wouldn't change that for the world. When times were hard, we all went hungry. When it was cold and there was no heat, we kept each other warm. When I was sick, they stayed right by my side as I did for them when they were not having a good day. Better friends I could not ask for.

When no one else cared, my Dogs did. They have given me nothing but pure joy and I love them endlessly.

So please understand that I am not being rude.

I'm just looking out for my best friends.